Some of these consequences are ones you want and some you don’t.
Recently, we’ve been thinking about some of the consequences of jealousy that you don’t want–and we want to WARN you about 3 of them right now. As we were thinking about “consequences,” the strangest thing came to mind…
Do you remember the TV show “Truth or Consequences”?
It started out as a radio show in the 40’s and 50’s and then aired on TV for about twenty years–first on network TV and later in syndication in the 70’s and 80’s.
On the early tv show, people had to answer a trivia question correctly (usually an off-the-wall question that no one would be able to answer correctly, or a bad joke) and had about two seconds to do so before “Beulah the Buzzer” was sounded.
If the contestant could not complete the “Truth” portion, there would be “Consequences,” usually a zany and embarrassing stunt. From the start, most contestants preferred to answer the question wrong in order to perform the stunt.
In this case, we all looked forward to seeing the “consequence” much more than the “truth.”
While this is the way it was on the show…this isn’t what you want when you have a bad case of jealousy!
When you get caught up in jealous thoughts and react with behavior that you end up feeling ashamed of, there are usually 3 results (or consequences) that can happen and none of them are good…
–You and your partner have an argument that never get resolved
–You feel frustrated, alone and unloved and…
–You push your partner even further away from you
We think you’d agree that those are certainly consequences none of us wants but it is what happens when jealousy rears its UGLY head!
What’s interesting is…
When you’re in the throes of jealousy, you aren’t thinking of the consequences of your thoughts and actions–Are you?
You’re thinking (over and over again) about what you could be losing–and your actions just seem to “happen” from some defensive place inside you that you may not even be aware of.
But it doesn’t have to be this way…
You can stop these almost automatic responses to real or imagined scenes that you play out in your mind.
Whether your partner is actually doing what you fear or not–you can look at the consequences of your jealousy and make a conscious choice to choose other actions.
In a recent issue of “Men’s Health” magazine, we were captivated by an article about the film star Tyrese Gibson.
He said that he had gained weight and lost his motivation, but more importantly what he said next about himself really landed for us…
He said that he “lost a sense of consequence.”
He was partying, hanging out with “slackers” and “didn’t look at himself because he was afraid of what he might see.”
According to the article, actor Will Smith befriended him and helped him to see the changes that he needed to make in his life for him to be the person he wanted to be.
A key for him was asking for help from those who had “the keys to whatever door you’re trying to figure out.”
So let’s get back to jealousy…
If you’re struggling with jealousy right now, (and you’re trying to find the “keys” to that “door”), we want you to pay close attention.
For one moment, we want to you take any blame for yourself–or for others–and let go of it temporarily. (You can always pick it back up again!)
Just put that blame somewhere outside of yourself.
Now (remember, without blame) take a good look in an imaginary mirror and see the consequences of your jealous behavior. If you find yourself analyzing, justifying or finding excuses for it, just stop yourself.
You are merely looking right now as an observer.
Jot those consequences down somewhere and then look at them–again, no blame.
Maybe you are this way a lot of them time or maybe your jealousy just comes out every now and then.
We know this is difficult but try it.
What have you got to lose?
Now, look at who you want to be.
It doesn’t matter how much you can’t believe it right now–Write down who you and what you’d like to be.
Now that you know where you want to go, ask for help.
We have several courses that can help you…
If you want a program to help you stop jealousy, check out “No More Jealousy.”
If you can’t seem to get the words out that you need to say and need help with communication, check out “Magic Relationship Words.”
If you need ways to start trusting again, check out “Relationship Trust Turnaround.”
Of course there are many more resources out there as well as coaching from us that will help you learn other ways of being in your relationships. The point is to gather your courage to heal your jealousy and start making the changes that will bring you more love and happiness.
Another point we’d like to make is that as weird as it sounds, it’s very often the focusing on the negative consequences of something in our lives that gets us to change and do something different than what we’re doing.