This is a relationship challenge facing one of our readers and here’s our answer:
It’s never a good feeling to have someone spying on you and it even feels worse when it’s your partner who’s doing it–and you’re not doing anything wrong. Even though you don’t use the words unwarranted jealousy, your wife may be getting caught in a habit that is set off by jealous feelings.
With that being said, here’s the way we see it…
It seems that the two of you have two different rules and beliefs around privacy. You grew up in a family where privacy was respected; she grew up where people were open books and the belief was that if you wanted privacy, you had something to hide.
You can talk to her about these differences but it may not make a difference in her behavior because of her beliefs.
But we’re guessing that the reasons behind her actions go even deeper than that. Underneath, there may be some hunger that she isn’t getting satisfied and she’s focusing on this issue instead of what the real issue for her.
Here are a few things you can do…
- So start noticing if she wants more of your attention or more time with you.
- Instead of focusing on the privacy issue (and what she’s doing to you), focus on what the two of you have together and look at what you each want.
- Look at how you want to be together. If she still doesn’t listen to you and won’t look at her part in this, then you have some decisions to make.
But first give these suggestions a try and look at your relationship as a whole–seeing what you each want and how you want to be together.