What’s Really Going on When Your Soulmate Shows Up at the Wrong Time And You’re Tempted to Cheat

What’s Really Going on When Your Soulmate Shows Up at the Wrong Time And You’re Tempted to Cheat

What if you’re in a committed relationship or marriage and your “soul mate” shows up?

Talk about an uncomfortable and potentially dangerous situation!

You either go crazy trying to deny to everyone that the attraction is happening or you dip your toe (or whole body) into cheating and infidelity.

Here’s what one person asked and our answer…

“I’m in a committed relationship and I’ve have just found my soulmate. The only trouble is it’s not the person I’m in the committed relationship with. How could this happen and what can I do now?”

Our answer…

We believe that if you are truly in a committed relationship and your soulmate has just appeared from out of no where,
the real problem isn’t that you’ve just found your soulmate.

It’s that there are problems and challenges in your committed relationship that you haven’t begun to address yet.

Our research into soulmates and twin souls and also our own experience have shown us that if you are in a committed relationship, your soulmate will not be able to come into your life in the way you might think a soulmate would.

If this has happened to you or you suspect a mid-life crisis is on its way in the form of being attracted to someone else, we know that you’re pulled in all kinds of different directions and have conflicting emotions.

We don’t have to tell you the hurt and damage you can inflict on everyone if you start acting on your attraction. But if you attempt to squash down your attraction, you can just make it bigger.

So what do you do?

We suggest that turning your attention inward to find out what’s going on inside you is where you begin.

Back up and take some time to consider what you are truly feeling. There may be things about your current relationship that are not meeting your wants or your needs.

It may not have anything to do with this person who has just entered your life but their appearance in your life is a signal that there’s an issue that you need to deal with.  This does not necessarily mean that leaving your partner you are already committed to will solve your problem.

If you do leave your partner for your soulmate, you may just be carrying your upsets and issues into your new relationship without even realizing it.  Take the time first–before you take another step toward your new “soul mate”– to consider your situation from inside you.

One of our teachers, Gay Hendricks in his book Conscious Living, talks about a time he was attracted to a woman other than his wife.

Once he realized what was going on, he did something surprising.

He asked the woman and his wife to discuss the situation with him. He realized that this attraction was based on his reaching for his lost youth and his creativity and had nothing to do with this young woman he found himself attracted to.

The two of us made a promise to each other when we married that if an attraction for another person ever came up for either of us, we would talk to the other first before acting on it.

This is what we suggest you do, but first look inside you for where the attraction is coming from. Is it truly that you are attracted to the new person or to what your partner used to be or look?

We’re saying that if you are in a committed relationship and find yourself attracted to someone else, take a look at what’s going on within you and within your relationship and try to heal those parts of you that are crying out for help before you get involved with someone else—even someone you believe to be a soulmate.

Finding a soul mate when you’re in a relationship with someone else may not be what it appears to be.

Do everyone involved a favor…

Be honest with yourself about your attraction and find out what it’s really about then be honest before you ruin your relationships.


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  1. Two weeks ago my wife told me she fond her twin flame at work. They had an affair for almost 5 months with sex for one. I want to forgive but she believes that he is a part of her and they are one. We are in marriage therapy and individual. She is 100% convince that he is her twin. She says she wishes it never happened and wants it to go away. What can I and she do to make these feeling and idea go away? I am on the verge of divorce and we have two young kids. We agree that there are issues in the relationship but nothing major.
    Any suggestions
    Thank you

    • Felco:
      Thank you for your post. There is actually a lot that you and your wife have going in your favor even despite what is going on. From what you write, it sounds like you both are willing to do the work to rebuild trust and your connection which is what’s required to save your marriage. You can’t make her feelings and belief that she has found her twin flame just go away. That may never change, but what can change is her decision to fully re-commit to your marriage. She can get clear about what needs she has that weren’t/aren’t being met in your relationship and then you two can start addressing those areas. You can also be honest about your needs and what would help you open up more fully and in possibly new ways. Even “little” relationship issues can build up into bigger problems and contribute to one person looking outside the marriage.

      We believe that there isn’t only one soulmate for each person in a lifetime. We also believe (and other experts concur) that not all soulmates or twin flames need to have romantic/sexual relationships or even long-lasting relationships in order to learn what they need to learn from one another. If your wife is to stay with you, she’s going to need to make peace with her decision and not feel like she’s somehow “missing out” on a soulmate relationship. Knowing this about soulmates may help her do that. Of course, the choice is hers to make. The choice is also yours to make about whether or not and how you’ll rebuild trust with her and, as you are ready, how you’ll forgive her too.

      You may find this article helpful: https://www.relationshipgold.com/relationship-trust/nofailagreements.htm

      Best Wishes,
      Susie and Otto

  2. There is this guy and we both believe we are soulmate. We are friends for 11 years. He approached me almost 10 yrs ago but I denied to stay in a relationship as I was immature and had had to focus on my career. After that he went into another relationship. It has been 8 yrs. But before few months we both comitted our feelings for each other. He told me that all these years it has always been me and his relationship was dead with the other girl with no intimacy. We were close very close. And we confessed we took so long to tell each other because we thought we will loose our friendship.
    I love him and I took my chances
    We dated for 2 months and it was amazing
    There was this undeniable spark. But now he says his assumptions were wrong about his relationship. No doubt he loves me and we have a very special connection. But he wants to leave me. I cant let him go. We are so compatible and I love him. What should I do to make him understand?

    • SusieCollins says

      Sumitra, you can’t argue with what he’s telling you and you may have to let him go. You can ask him if there’s
      anything that will make him change his mind but it just may not be what he want. So sorry.

  3. I meet my soulmate like 6 months ago. I know is he because we have a specially connection..but there’s a big problem which is stop us to be together, he is married and is got children and i am the one who is pushing him away because i dont want to make his children and his wife to suffer..he want to go with me. But is there something what is stop me to do it. I love him with all my heart and i know he loves me as well. But i know we cant be happy if i know i destroy his family. I need help because i dont know what to do i feel i am loseing him and is so painful.. Please tell what to do like every one to be happy!!please!

    • SusieCollins says

      Mirela, it’s your wisdom talking, telling you not to destroy his family so listen. It can be very painful to find someone who you really connect with but they are unavailable. But my guess is that if the 2 of you do get together because he’s left his relationship for you, you won’t be happy. You do know what to do and you may lose him in the process but it sounds like the timing isn’t right now. Hope this helps. Susie

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