So you want to get your ex back and you’re not sure how to do it.
That’s a very common situation that thousands of people find themselves in every day. And the good news is that a lot of those people do wind up getting their ex back!
The bad news is that very few of them wind up KEEPING their ex for good.
The truth is, if you want to get your ex back and keep him by your side, it takes a little bit more than just making him miss you.
Luckily, I’m going to lay it all out right here (like I do every day on Vixen Daily).
If you follow this plan, it gives you the best possible chance at getting your ex back, and keeping him for good.
Ready? Here we go:
Cut Contact With Him For At Least 4 Weeks
There’s a reason I put this one first. And I know, on paper it looks like the hardest one. However, if you want to get him back and keep him, it’s the best possible thing you can do.
Why? For a lot of reasons.
First, by cutting off contact, you’re allowing yourself to get some perspective on the relationship. As the days and weeks pass without talking to him, you’ll be able to see the relationship much more clearly (as well as see the reasons you two broke up that might not have been obvious at the beginning).
Second, and more importantly, it gives him the space he needs to start wanting you back.
Think about it like ice cream. If you haven’t had ice cream in a few weeks, the thought of having a bowl is pretty good! (And if you don’t like ice cream, you can replace it with any food you really do like).
Even if you haven’t had it since yesterday, it might sound like a great idea.
But imagine if you just finished a bowl of ice cream an hour ago – and now you have to eat another one. And another one 15 minutes after that.
You’d get pretty sick of it quickly.
Now don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying your ex is sick of you, far from it.
All I’m saying is… imagine how good a bowl of ice cream sounds if you haven’t had it in a whole month.
By cutting off contact with him for a month, you give him the space to start really missing you and wanting you back.
Without that space, all he’ll be able to think about when he sees you are the negative feelings of the breakup – and that’s going to push him even further away from you.
So yes, I know it’s hard, but seriously: one solid month of the no contact rule.
That means: no phone calls, no texting, no instant messaging, no letters, no Facebook chat or messages, no “bumping into him” (accidentally or otherwise), basically – no contact with him of any kind.
If you can do that, you’re already maximizing your chances of getting back together with him.
And if you’re worried about him getting into a relationship while you’re in no contact – it’s much less worrying than you think. Even if he does get into a “relationship” with someone new, it’s a virtual certainty that it’s a rebound relationship and not a real one.
The second part of getting your ex back and keeping him is all about what you do during the no contact period. Like I write about on vixendaily.com, you’ve got a couple of options:
Either you can spend that time in misery, missing him, wondering how you’re ever going to move on, drowning your pain in food, or drink, or Netflix binges…
Or you can use that time to work on yourself and make yourself stronger while he gets weaker.
What do I mean by that?
I mean that the best possible use for your time while you’re in no contact is working on yourself and doing the things that make you feel better.
Not feel better in the short term – feel better in the long term.
The best sort of things to do combine things that are good for you (like exercise) with other things that are good for you (like social gatherings).
So if you’re into sports, try joining a recreational just for fun league in the sport of your choice. You get to be around other people and get a workout in.
If sports aren’t for you, working out is still one of the best possible channels for your anger and sadness to turn those negative emotions into a net positive for you.
Another great thing to do is to get back to the stuff that YOU love to do that might have fallen by the wayside in your relationship.
Always loved painting but never really felt like it while you were dating? Pick it back up again!
Any hobby that makes you feel good and that you like to do is the perfect activity during the no contact period.
You’ll wind up feeling better about your life, about the relationship, and about yourself. And that will give you a huge leg up on your ex when you two do meet up again.
After the no contact period, he’s probably going to contact you. If he doesn’t, it’s totally fine to contact him and suggest you meet up for coffee to catch up.
When you do that, and you’ve followed this plan, you’ll have new perspective on the relationship and what went wrong. You’ll feel really good about yourself because you’ll have spent all this time working on yourself and doing the things you love. (Plus, you’ll look great).
All that in combination makes you someone that’s irresistible to your ex – especially if he’s spent all this time wallowing in pain or self pity.
Remember, you’re not trying to get him back and have him profess his love for you the first time you see him after the breakup. You’re just trying to have fun.
But as long as you focus on staying relaxed and comfortable, and enjoy the moment with him, you’ll give yourself the best possible chance of not only getting him back, but getting him back for good.
Nick Bastion is a dating and relationships expert with over 10 years of experience helping men and women have the love lives they’ve always wanted. You can find more of his writing at Vixen Daily in the Love and Relationships section.