What’s Underneath Jealousy?

When the subject of jealousy comes up for many people, it’s usually thought to be a challenge between a couple in an intimate relationship which involves a third party.

We know that jealousy can be about much more than that and here’s why. . .

You can be jealous of other people’s things, their success, their beauty, their athletic prowess, their relationship, their kids, their education, their money, and their life. It can be a tiny feeling in your gut or it can be an overwhelming sensation that drive you to say and do things that you wouldn’t do otherwise.

Jealousy can creep in when you least expect it and it’s always a signal to look within and discover what’s underneath it.

Our friends and colleagues, Paul and Layne Cutright have a book called “You’re never upset for the reason you think.-The CURE for the common upset” These words, “you’re never upset for the reason you think” are also what we’ve discovered to be true in most cases about jealousy.

Jealousy is usually not a problem or challenge for the reason you think. In fact, jealousy is almost never just about the jealousy itself and what seems to be happening on the surface.

It’s usually about whatever is lurking underneath that needs to be uncovered and dealt with. One thing we know from our own experiences and from the experiences of our clients is that the first step to changing anything in your life is first to become aware of your feelings and the reasons why you want to change.

If jealousy isn’t an issue in your life, you can substitute any feeling that holds you back from creating and having the relationships that you want.

These are feelings that separate you from other people and build walls between the two of you. These feelings may be anger, fear, sadness, or anything else that close you down and don’t allow connection with those you love.

Once you become aware of your feelings, you have a choice to make:

1. Either you can stuff your feelings and deny that they are there until they become so big that you are forced to deal with them, or

2. You can acknowledge what you are feeling and make the commitment that you are ready to have another experience in your life and are willing to do what it takes to heal that part of yourself.

When it comes to jealousy, no matter how it shows up in your life, it doesn’t go away until it is acknowledged and there is a strong desire to do whatever is necessary to change and heal it.

Here’s a quick example of how jealousy can manifest itself and a couple of tips for getting to the bottom of it. One of our coaching clients, Joan, found herself being jealous of a bright, attractive new female employee in her office. Joan kept denying her feelings about this new co-worker and found that at home, she was irritable with her husband and was snapping at her kids more than usual.

She really knew that she had to do something about her jealousy when she made an uncharacteristic sarcastic remark when the new employee launched an idea in one of their sales meetings.

Joan committed to finding out where her jealous feelings were coming from. She took some time alone to get quiet and feel what she was feeling and put words to those feelings. Then she asked herself some questions like “Why do I feel threatened?” “What am I fearing will happen? and “What does this feeling remind me of?”

She wrote her answers as she asked herself these questions and she was able to get a glimpse of what she needed to heal within herself.

If you are having challenges with jealousy or any other strong emotion that could potentially wreck your relationships, we invite you to look underneath and see what the real problem is. Then you can commit to working on and healing these challenges and committing to making some changes for the better in your life.


For more tips and advice to help you overcome jealousy, get our free 7 Jealousy-Stopping Secrets ebook at http://www.NoMoreJealousy.com

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