Here’s another great question from our recent survey that seemed to be on the minds of many when we brought up the topic of passion.
“How can we work with the changing nature of passion as it transforms over the course of a relationship, and with different events occurring, such as career and lifestyle changes, or having children?”
The typical scenario that many people experience around this topic of passion that this person is referring to goes something like this…
You find a person who you just seem to “click” with and both of you can’t wait to be together. You are able to spend hours just looking at each other, making love and just having fun together. There seems to be a deep bond and connection between the two of you that you may never have felt before.
Then circumstances change. You get married or move in together, you or your partner take a demanding job, you have children, you have to deal with step-parenting, you have to take care of family members–or any number of other changes that can happen in your life.
You gradually realize that you have “lost that loving feeling” as the Righteous Brothers sang many years ago and you and your mate are simply living together as roommates and possibly as friends.
So what happened to the passion that was once there and why did it change?
What we have discovered in our work with coaching clients and by observing our own lives is that it’s not the passion that changes.
The passion, if it was once there, is available all of the time. What changes is your focus, your decisions about your life and your commitments and intentions.
You might be saying something like this…
“But I work long hours and I have a lot of responsibilities in my life now. There simply isn’t time for passion.”
We certainly know what that feels like. We also know what it feels like to not have passion in our lives and the two of us have made a commitment to each other that we will keep it alive and growing throughout our relationship.
From the beginning of our relationship, we made the commitment to consciously keep our connection and passion as we go through events instead of disconnecting from each other.
That might mean different things as we move through our lives but connection is at the core of all of it.
You may or may not know this, but we spend a minimum of an hour each morning connecting with each other.
This “connecting” that we’re talking about can take many forms, including talking, connecting, laughing, touching, lovemaking and a variety of other possibilities but an hour a day in the mornings of connecting with each other is our conscious intention for our relationship and life.
So, to go back to the person’s question about how to keep the passion and connection alive when life becomes too overwhelming, with too many commitments–
What do you do to keep that connection and passion at those times?
An example of how we deal with our relationship and “life happenings” occurred just a few weeks ago.
As many of you may recall, Susie’s mother passed a few weeks ago and during the last couple of weeks of her mother’s life, Susie spent a great deal of time with her mother, as well as time spent traveling to see her.
Even though we weren’t able to have our love-making and connection time each morning during the time of Susie’s mom’s passing, we stayed connected by phone and in our hearts.
We never lost that “loving feeling” for one another even though we were going through a life-changing event.
We keep that “loving feeling” because it’s our intention and commitment that it’s important in our lives. We keep it because we talk about what we are feeling and try not to hide. We keep it because we truly listen to each other without judging.
Are we perfect at it?
Of course not. But we are good enough at it that we have kept passion and connection alive through the ebb and flow of our lives.
If reconnecting to the passion that you once felt is important to you, we invite you to explore what commitment you are willing to make.
You can start small. One couple decided to simply begin having breakfast together and talking together after many years of passing each other in the hallway as their only way of connecting.
Another couple decided that keeping their connection was more important than taking the job promotion that would have required more time away.
Another couple still yet, simply “made new rules” for how they wanted to be together and committed to live by those rules that would bring them closer.
Remember, rekindling passion begins with connection.
We invite you to begin connecting today on a deeper level. We believe your life will be much richer and more rewarding if you do.