Here’s a question and our response about this really important topic…
“I just purchased the Red Hot Love ebook and am interested in other books of yours.
“Mainly, I am interested in creating passion in my marriage.
“My husband and I have a great relationship – it is a full partnership and we communicate 100% – but it is very lukewarm (for me, not him – he is full of passion for me).
“We have been married 6 years and married young (18) and the circumstances surrounding our marriage were complicated (for immigration purposes) but I decided he
would be a good life partner and went through with it.
“However, I don’t think I was ever (or am currently) in love with him. But he is a wonderful man and I care for him deeply, and I want nothing more than to BE in love with him and stay married to him.
“Although I think he is really attractive, I don’t have any real desire to be intimate or kiss with him – I am just going through the motions.
“How can I achieve a deep level of intimacy with this man that I love? Is it possible for me to fall in love with my husband? Is it possible for my heart to listen to my mind? Or am I chasing something that will never be? It just makes me so sad.”
Thanks for your question!
Although your situation may seem to be different because you seemed to marry for reasons other than “zingy and passionate” love–
From the looks of the emails we get , there are many others who feel that they are no longer attracted to their partner–or maybe never were attracted and it’s a very real
A lot of times the problem with passion, connection and desire that isn’t there for that other person is because of “trust issues” or “poor communication.”
If trust is an issue for the two of you, you might want to check out our “Relationship Trust Turnaround” program.
That doesn’t sound like the case here. It sounds like you may not have ever had real desire and passion to begin with and that’s a real sticky one…
So, if we’re hearing your question correctly, you want to know if it is possible for you to fall in “love” with your husband and achieve a deep level of intimacy when it may not have been there all along.
We call this– “manufacturing passion and connection.”
First of all like many others, you’re saying that you “love” him but are not “in love” with him. We suggest that you define within yourself what “in love” means to you.
What’s the feeling that you want to have?
…and something else that’s really important to ask yourself is– have you ever had it before?
Allow yourself to daydream–not about a particular person but rather what it would feel like to have this feeling.
Next, since you bought our “Red Hot Love Relationships” ebook, there are 77 ideas in that book to help you connect on a deeper, more passionate level. One of the ideas we talk in the book is to never stop flirting– and we suspect that practicing a little flirting might be good for you–and your relationship.
You may have put your husband in a box–the box that says “You’re a good man, you want me but you don’t excite me.”
We suggest that if you want more passion, take him out of this “box” and open your heart to having a different experience with him.
Here’s another issue…
You say that your communication is 100%.
While we’re sure that on many topics you do communicate well, when it comes to passion and intimacy–you don’t!
Without hurting his feelings, ask him if he’d like to do some experimenting. One idea is to touch each other slowly with music playing in the background–only touch and nothing more.
There’s a trick to this…
Keep your mind on what you love about him and not allow it to move to what’s missing or what’s for dinner.
Can we guarantee that you’ll fall madly in love with your husband?
Of course not.
Do you deserve to feel real passion?
Of course you do.
We suggest that you start to explore ways to heighten your desire–and that takes an openness on your part and a willingness to look at your husband and your situation differently.
You and your husband deserve at least this much!
One other quick suggestion we’ll make is to start to be more “playful” with each other and make a real effort to “play” more together.
This is a little different than our earlier suggestion of flirting more often.
Sometimes this “playing” can liven things up between to people. We’re talking fun here.